Am I in a toxic relationship? Click to find out more!

Despite being aware that a toxic relationship is bad, some might just endure out of love. Others may not realize that their relationship is abusive.

How did toxicity arise?

Toxicity can arise from internal factors and/or external factors.

Internal factor comes from family, and parents model the way for their children. One reflects what they learn from their parents in their future behavior.  If one’s parent was abusive to the other, there is an increased possibility of having an abusive relationship.

External factor comes from the environment, and increased media exposure to negative themes like violence may subconsciously influence one’s behavior and their way of treating their partners.

Here, we identify five types of causes in a toxic relationship.

1) Physical Abuse

2) Verbal Abuse

3) Sexual Abuse

4) Psychological Abuse

5) Material Abuse

1) Physical Abuse

Do you feel like you are always the one giving in to prevent your partner from beating you? You are most likely in a physically abusive relationship.

Physical abuse often relates to a physical beating when the abuser gets angry without reason and becomes violent when an outlet for anger is needed.

2) Verbal Abuse

Does your partner always vent his or her anger on you? Or are your thoughts and inputs get shot down faster than an eye blinking?

Verbal abuse refers to frequent random scolding, negative remarks, and harsh words from your partner. Your partner sees scolding you as a way to release stress or anger.

3) Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse refers to when one party forces sexual acts or forces the other person into such situations, especially without consent.

Victims of sexual abuse often associate their experience with shame and are scared to seek help, suffering in silence.

4) Psychological Abuse

Psychological abuse is anything that can potentially damage the mind and the sense of self.

This is highly related to the abuses described previously — physical, verbal, and sexual;

Physical Abuse

Together with violence, threatening and actual beating becomes a form of psychological abuse and may be used to make you do things that you otherwise would not.

Verbal Abuse

Constant harsh and hurtful remarks can result in psychological abuse, causing your life to be filled with negativity.

Sexual Abuse

The abuser may make the abused submit by abusing them psychologically, making them believe that they are to be used as a tool for pleasure.

5) Material Abuse

Toxicity in a relationship can also come from a partner taking advantage of another. Material and financial manipulation is common, in which one party is a “money parasite” who lives off the other, the “money provider”.

How to get out of a toxic relationship?

Step 1

Recognize that there is an issue, and you should be getting help!

Step 2

Ask yourself, “Are you still emotionally attached?” or “Do you have trouble breaking up?”

If no, end the relationship and start afresh. If yes, continue to step 3.

Step 3

i) Direct Support

Consider getting your family and friends to assist you in getting out of the relationship properly.

ii) Professional Help

Counseling service or hypnosis to aid in emotional relief

iii) Local Authorities

Consider engaging governmental agencies like PAVE.

The Centre for Promoting Alternatives to Violence  (PAVE) is the first family violence specialist centre in Singapore. It aims to promote healthy relationships and provide services against violence.

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bf, 49 female, Singaporean Chinese

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